Fear of bathing

I was invited by my friend Misty to tag along with her and her boyfriend to their church in Cary for yesterday’s Sunday services. The church is called Colonial Baptist and is, I came to find out, very popular in the area. So frantic was the transition between first and second services that the road in front of the church required a cop to direct traffic in and out of the church parking lot.
We had to circle the series of 5 connecting parking lots to find an open space. To be seated, an usher had to search for spaces in the banquet room-like sanctuary; sort of like a hostess at a restaurant. “Church for 3 please…non-smoking if you have it.”
Once we were seated, the service began with, I kid you not, an orchestra and full 40-member choir. There was a performance by Jesus as well. I’m guessing special attention was paid to this service because it is the week of Passover. The service was beautiful and had a wonderful message.
My area of concern lies in the realm of baptism. As you probably know, the Baptist Church practices baptism by full submersion into a pool of water.
I was christened in the Catholic Church as a baby with a gentle sprinkling of water on the head. So for me, the Baptist method of submersion was always a little startling. But I’ve grown accustomed to it after seeing it done for so many years.
During this past Sunday’s service, I noticed on the bulletin that we’d all get to witness two members being baptized.
Mid-service, up pops a large television screen at the front of the church. Well, two screens to be exact, and another huge one at the back of the sanctuary. A pre-recorded interview between the minister and the member awaiting baptism came alive for the entire congregation to view. The minister would question each member on why they were getting baptized and ask them to give their testimony. Wow. Pretty powerful stuff to say in front of a HUGE congregation of people. That alone would freak me out enough to not want to get baptized in front of everyone. A lot of people, including myself, are not comfortable being filmed.
Then the minister and the member awaiting baptism appeared in the elevated pool of water, all eyes of the congregation on them. The minister asked the member to please recite for the congregation his or her favorite passage in the Bible. Wow again. Now this church requires public speaking to be baptized. Another no-no for me.
Of course last comes the actual dunking. The minister gently places a cloth over your mouth and nose and lowers you backwards into the pool of water. You come back up, gasping for air, snot dripping from your nose and mascara running down your cheeks, hair plastered wet and tangled on your head. Now if standing under a spotlight in front of a room of 500 people looking like you’ve just been through a hurricane isn’t mortifying enough to resist baptism, I don’t know what is.
Thank you thank you Mom and Dad for getting me christened as a baby.